It may be the summit of man, but some of the heads of hair in the world are truly terrible…
And in ‘celebration’ of all those mistakes that have been made by the male of the species, The Daily Dust Investigation Squad have cracked open the hairdressing horrors in Britain today, with a look at the top ten worst celebrity haircuts…
33, Professional Spice Girls Fan
Ah yes, old Becks. The closest the UK Male Fashion Designers have to a clothes horse has been through more style changes than red cards received at the world cup (ie way too many). His styles alone could fill a top ten on their own.
21, World Number 4 Tennis Player
Currently a British Tennis Player, so we can ignore the mess that looks like it should be tucked under a Scottish “See You Jimmie” hat like a successful Russ Abbott. Has had a superb 2008, reaching the Final of the US Open, and equalling Greg Rusedski’s best tournament run. Can he lift a Grand Slam Trophy in 2009, or will he cause a hurricane by shaking his locks?
Britain’s England’s best Footballer
Never sent off in a World Cup, lifted the trophy (offically) and had a fearsome 25 yard plus shooting range. We suspect he used his hair like a prism, splitting dull sunshine into a blast of colour to dazzle his opponents and distract the referee in the process.
29, Drug Addict and Sometimes Songwriter
Check out that beacon! There’s a reason the Babyshambles singer likes wearing a hat, and we think the reason is as clear as the nose on his face… well actually clearer than that.
33, Comedian and Film Star
“I know,” thinks the BBC Management Team, “let’s put this Brand Chap on the Light Service. Nobody will see him, and how much trouble can he cause if he’s just playing the best seven inch singles from the hit parade?” Well for a start Brand has never been satisfied with just seven inches…
38, Professional Clarkson Tamer
Remember how messed up your hair looked after your Mum tousled it in the morning as you left for school, saying how lovely you looked? Now imagine every woman in the UK doing that? And thus you have the hair of Hammond, beloved of Housewives across the country who wouldn’t know the difference between the Nordschleife and Laguna Seca unless it was explained in a Waitrose advert.
49, Record Mogul and Reality TV Presenter
Be honest, you want to be Cowell. he gets to do what everyone wants to do, and complain at everyone on The X-Factor – just like you. But he gets paid millions to do it! If that was my job, I’d be more than happy if a helicopter could land on my head as well.
Sharing his number 10 Manchester United jersey with the likes of Dennis Law and Rudd Van Nistelroy (who also had hair that would make Gok Wan faint in horror), the most expensive teenage footballer in the UK must be worried just what’s going to happen if his hair grows out a little bit more. Personally we’re rooting for a Kevin Keegan perm look.
44, Mayor of London
We Love BoJo. That should be the slogan for the Olympic games 2012. Forget the opening ceremony of pyrotechnics, show tunes, and Led Zeppelin on the top of a burning London Routemaster bus, all we need is a microphone, a full stadium, and someone whispering to Boris “your hair is gorgeous” as he walks out to start the games. he knows it’s a foppish mess, he loves it, we love him, and we wouldn’t change him for the world, or Ken Livingstone.