Who can stop the Terrible Twosome from an appearance at the Telenor Stadium in May’s Song Contest?
With news that the odds of John and Edward representing the United Kingdom at this year’s Eurovision Song Contest dropping from 33-1 to 25-1 we’ve been wondering if this is the single worst option available to the BBC.
But if we do want to send an eye-opening singer or group to Eurovision, rather than the expected “unknown singer” recruited through the BBC’s “Your Country Needs You",” then may we make some suggestions?
10. The cast of Glee
You need a powerhouse of marketing to make an impact in Eurovision nowadays; a fresh look but one that’s comforting at the same time; you need obvious enthusiasm and brilliant singing skills. And you need an evil Sue Sylvester in the commentary booth. Could the BBC ask Fox nicely to borrow the cast of hit musicomedy Glee for a week? Maybe even film it as an exchange trip for the actual show?
9. James Fox
There’s good form in strong singers returning to Eurovision and winning at the second time, including Dima Bilan (2006 and 2008). So our Eurovision singer from 2004, James Fox, should be in the mix somewhere. A great voice, experience in the competition and he really wants to do it.
8. Fearne Cotton
Sorry, mistyped there. I meant the “delightful” Fearne Cotton. She’s done everything else on the BBC , might as well try this.
7. Status Quo
What does a Eurovision song need? A strong rhythm, a song that’s easily remembered and is memorable after even one listen, and a bit of rebellion so the viewers at home vote for the song. Why wouldn’t Status Quo fit the bill?
6. Stephen Fry
It does not matter what Fry sings, he could read out a Shakespearean influence sonnet with Gerry Rafferty doing an improvised saxophone solo in the background; all that counts would be Fry twittering “could you, possibly, if it’s not too much trouble, vote for me at Eurovision, kthxbi” as the phone lines open.
Well we do have Pete Waterman doing the production, there’s a certain closing the circle in this choice. Plus it’s Kylie. At Eurovision. Swoon!
4. William Shatner
3. Kirsten Chenworth
Yes she’s just been on Glee, but she’s been on Broadway, Pushing Daisies, The West Wing, and you can listen to her forever without getting bored. And it’s about time America realised there is a TV show that’s bigger than their Superbowl.
2. Stephen Hawking
Would it be overkill to send the closest human being to Davros to the Eurovision stage to do some beat-boxing and sampling from his wheelchair? Okay we’d have to put a party hat on him (which would be worth the ticket price) but Hawking singing “I know the secrets of the universe but don’t have enough time to type it out before I fall in love with you” should guarantee the contest is hosted in the UK next year.
1. Stars on 45 – The Eurovision All Stars
Horribly sneaky this idea, but if the BBC can get as many former Eurovision winners on one group, write a new song for them, and then send em out as an ensemble, the fans would melt in excitement and pretty much guarantee a wide vote in every country. With six performers allowed on stage, you’ve space for Katrina (from the Waves), Cheryl Baker (Bucks Fizz), Cliff Richard (from, err, Cliff Richard and the Shadows), Lulu, and a singer from The Brotherhood of Man and The New Seekers respectively. That’s what you would call Epic Win.
Or are we forgetting someone?