The Top Ten Jokes at the Edinburgh Fringe | The Daily Dust delivering the best bric a brac, daily news and events with a British flavour

Dan Antopolski

Funniest joke at the Fringe is Dan Antopolski’s Hedgehog, says TV’s Dave.

After sitting through 3,600 minutes of comedy acts, and close to 7,200 jokes, the jury from TV Channel Dave have come up with the best joke at this year’s Edinburgh Festival Fringe.

So, with winner Dan Antopolski at the top, and then in descending order, here’s what jokes tickled the funny bones of the judge.

Dan Antopolski - "Hedgehogs – why can’t they just share the hedge?"

Paddy Lennox – "I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: ‘This could be interesting’."

Sarah Millican – "I had my boobs measured and bought a new bra. Now I call them Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes because they’re up where they belong."

Zoe Lyons – "I went on a girls’ night out recently. The invitation said ‘dress to kill’. I went as Rose West."

Jack Whitehall – "I’m sure wherever my dad is; he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending."

Adam Hills – "Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex. You know you’re going to get it, but it’s going to be rough."

Marcus Brigstocke – "To the people who’ve got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn’t invent it!"

Rhod Gilbert – "A spa hotel? It’s like a normal hotel, only in reception there’s a picture of a pebble."

Dan Antopolski – "I’ve been reading the news about there being a civil war in Madagascar. Well, I’ve seen it six times and there isn’t."

Simon Brodkin - "I started so many fights at my school – I had that attention-deficit disorder. So I didn’t finish a lot of them."

And wouldn’t it be strange if all the names here are the big comedy names with the top of the line promoters and PR people that Dave would like to court for new TV series… Perhaps that just us.

Oh and to keep things fair, the worst jokes are listed as well. Dare you read these?

Carey Marx – "I’m not doing any Michael Jackson jokes, because they always involve puns about his songs. And that’s bad."

Frank Woodley – "I phoned the swine flu hotline and all I got was crackling."

Alex Maple – "Michael Jackson only invented the moonwalk so he could sneak up on children."

Anna and Katy – "I dated a woman from the Chinese State Circus. One time I took her upstairs for a 69. She said, ‘I’m not cooking at this time of night.’"

Phil Nichol – "She’s got a face like a rare Chinese vase – minging."

Alistair McGowan – "I’ve just split up from my girlfriend, which is a shame, because it was a long-standing arrangement. Perhaps if we’d sat down a bit more…"

With thanks (we think) to Dave.

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